good morning

Good Morning-Helpless, hopeless, angry, frustrated, drained, tired, sad, worn, dragging lazy, discouraged, defeated, beat up / ready to call it a night- so much pain inside, so much loneliness, the feeling of being abandoned, rejected, neglected, cold, indifferent non caring, numb- left out, not about to break- already broken-just about to manifest the brokenness. A broken heart would be an improvement to this condition. State of nothingness- Existence is now inevitable now that I am here. Now that I am- Constant reminders of my lack- of my failure> I don’t know what to do. I definitely need some direction. A little grace a little truth. If I really don’t care if I die, then why don’t I take more risks? Do some radical stuff. Am I scared of consequences more than death? Fear. I guess I want to go to Heaven, but I don’t want to die. Or do I. I don’t know. Escape, drift, fade, and blast off, using abusing. Bye. Vanity, meaningless- all is meaningless… I am not there. I am not here either. Where am I? What am I. I’m not here. Look at me. You can’t actually look at me because I am not here. Good Afternoon- surviving for now. On bare minimum- Driving on fumes. Rolling with the punches. An occasional duck and dodge from the onslaught. A glimmer of expectancy pokes through. See what happens. A plan is beginning to formulate. Will it be fool proof? Doubt it. Throwing ideas in the wind. Who will I see, what will I do?

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About Dionys

I am perpetually seeking the aesthetics found in the realm of diverse creative arts. I am often dedicated to producing creative projects also. I balance my intellectual pursuits with various action sports. I consider physical fitness important along with adequate nutrition. I am an avid traveler and an explorer of wild places. I am Biblically Literate therefore a Believer in Jesus.
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