Mid-Day Mix W/ DJ Dead Guy
Everyday I die again. It is a living death. Circumstances of various sorts are the killer. There is no escaping the death trap. I cannot dodge the killer’s bullet. Sometimes I survive longer than others, yet I am only prolonging the inevitable. I am so dead inside right now. There is no answer. There is no remedy. I am dead.
I want to disappear from here. Emotions are overloaded. I have imploded again. Nothing lost, nothing gained. Random order in a… I hate you very much. It is time to revisit the site. The site where I killed this thing. Or did I? Uncertainty is all over me. The pain is buzzing deeply in the center of me. It fluctuates in intensity, but does not wane. Once again I fend for myself against various adversaries. Go ahead and eat my flesh. I don’t have much use for it anyways. I now settle into silence. Pensive and introspective I become. What will happen next? Probably the usual.
The pain, o the precious pain, how much I feel you. You are very near me, so near in fact you are inside me. You are big and strong. The stamina you posses is amazing. Who am I fooling, I am deeply hurt by you on a daily basis. I cannot shake you off me no matter how hard I try. You control me at will. To live with you is killing me slowly. I am wasting away with no remedy. Why isn’t God helping me? Why does HE not answer my desperate plea? What lesson must I learn? What must I do? I struggle to make another step with no assistance under this heavy weight.
This is a nightmare! A reoccurring nightmare. I can not wake myself up from it. It continues with no end in sight. I aggressively fight against an unseen enemy to no avail. I kick and scream angrily in the air, and nothing ever happens. I expend massive amounts of energy in vain. If I just sit in a dark corner, annoying creatures crawl and buzz around me. I am caught in between a rock and a hard place. This is a nightmare!
Originally written in 4 parts as "Dead", "Kill", "Pain", and "This is a Nightmare!" by the dead man himself…